So i'm going to France in a few hours. Whereas most people would like this i am absolutely hating it. I'm only going because my dad is paying for it and he wants to see me but...i'll list the problems:

1. It's France

2. It's full of French people

3. It'll be hot

4. It'll be sunny

5. I might get a tan

6. I have to spend a week with my dad and uncle

7. There'll be French people around

and others that i can't remember

Anyway,

"Dedicated to the kids, dedicated to wherever the music lives"

so i've not posted for a while have i. For ages really. Not much has been happening really. I've finished all my exams and that so i don't have to go back to that fucking hell hole ever. Yay. I've been...alive.

So recently i thought i was getting better. For those of you who don't know i was going through what can best be described as depression. I was going through it for a long time...or what seemed like a long time. But then i started feeling better. DOn't know why but i did. Even my friends could tell that i was happier. Kinda funny though how it cann all return in one day. Just a couple of drinks with a couple of friends and the old thoughts came flooding back. And back to my old self again...not the good kind. Anyway i've been trying my hardest to not let it show this time and i think it's working.Yay. Good for me.

I was gonna talk about the old thoughts and feelings but decided not too. They're just too personal and fucked up in my head right now. Maybe soon...or on a different account or something. But not here and not now. What the fuck am i saying...sorry i'll go.

Anyway,

"She is everything to me, the urequited dream, the song that no one sings"

Last two days were pretty cool. On tuesday i went with one of my friends to go and see the Grindhouse doublebill at the cinema. It was fucking brilliant. I've already seen deathproof on DVD and didin't really like it but is was really good on the bigscreen. And Planet Terror was amazingly good. it was so over the top it was brilliant. also they showed the fake adverts for Machete, Don't, Werewolf Women of the SS and Thanksgiving all of which were hilarious. My mate also tells me that they are actually making Machete into a real film as well which will be fucking brilliant.

Yesterday i want to the seaside with all my friends which was pretty cool. We didn't do much but it was fun nontheless spending some time with them in different surroundings.

Anyway, the same e-cookie drill goes(someone will claim one eventually)

"Don't shoot yourselves, Don't shoot each other and especially don't shoot me."

Do you currently have a hickey? 
No

Who was the last person you talked to on the telephone?
My Mum

What was the last thing someone said to you?
Sure

So iw ent to town with some mates this morning. I bought some stuff i needed plus a Karate outfit. Which is weird because i don't do Karate. Or any martial art. It'll probably just live next to my Kung-Fu jacket. What a great waist of money. I love buying random shit i don't need.

we went back to mine and watched Cannibal Holocaust. It was the second time i saw it so i wasn't very shocked this time. It's an okay film but i wouldn't reccomend it. Not because it is somewhat sick but because it is quite poorly acted and shot.

Anyway, an e-cookie to anyone who gets my quote

"I'm a British nanny and I'm dangerous"

Today was quite good. I watched a part of Lost Boys in the morning which was absolutely shit. Bought some cigarettes which was good cos i hadn't had a smoke since monday. I hate being skint. One of my mates came round and we watched Shoot Em Up which is awesome.

Then i went to recon. This is a TokyoPop mini convention. I got pushed into the cosplay competition. i went as generic ninja no.7. This is how to make the outfit yourselves:

Black 3/4 lenghts

Black Vest

Black short sleeved shirt

Any Naruto Headband

Any Shoes

Suprisingly i didn't win. Someone dressed as Cardcaptor Sakura won.

By the way could anyone not from Britain tell me how much a pack of 20 cigarettes costs where they live, and where they live, country only. I think they're extremely over priced here.

Also an e-cookie will be awarded to anyone who guesses my quote from now on. It has to be the specific source i am thinking off to count.

Anyway,

"Fuck you you fucking fuckers"

i was just talking with one of my friends. she recently split up with her boyfriend. the cunt strangled her. apperantly she went mental and was screaming at him and hitting him. i don't guve a fuck. you don't stangle one of my fucking friends. she keeps saying she started it but i don't fucking care. he could have done something fucking different. like pinning her down till she calmed down. but no the fucking cunt had to fucking strangle her. what a fucking prick.

on top of that she said that of all the fucking shit he's done that the one that fucked her off the least. i fucking swear if i see that cunt i'm gonna fucking hospitalise him. FUCKING CUNT will pay.

you see some of you may not know but i value my friends very fucking highly. no one fucks with my friends. no fucking cunt is gonna strangle one of my friends and think he'll be able to walk by me in the fucking street without even a fucking punch to his fucking cunt mouth. i wont hunt him down (my original idea) because my friend asked me to not 'kill him, or hit him', but i cant promise anything if we meet in the street.

If that happens i may hospitalise the fucking cunt.

Anyway, i'm not apologizing for my language as there is a clear fucking warning.

"Fuck this quote"

Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your partner?

Never

How old will you be on your next birthday?

19

Have you ever seen a live bat?

A couple of times 

Is there anything/anyone you hate?

Many things/people

Are you single?

Yes  

Do you like the color orange?

It's Okay i guess

Do you find it in your heart to forgive?

I try not to

Would you rather not drink [any liquid at all] or not sleep?

Not Sleep, it's a waste of time anyway

Have you ever seen a real redneck?

No never

So tattoos and piercings excite you?

Kinda actually

What's the meaning of life?

Each life has a meaning that that person chooses for themselves

What size shoes do you wear in womens/mens?

8/9 in mens

What's your favorite season?

Winter 

Do you care if people talk smack about you?

Not generally

At what age do you want to get married?

Depends when i find the "right one" 

How long are you on the phone daily?

Not at all if i can help it

Sorry, I forgot to ask your name, what is it?

Przemek

Are you in a good mood? 

I'm okay 

Do you think people will exist forever? 

Not a chance 

Do you believe in luck? 

Yes i do 

Everything happens for a reason, right? 

No. Some shit has no reason to it. 

Would you rather skydive or bungee jump? 

Skydive 

Do you like snakes? 

They're cool 

Where is one place that you'd like to visit?

Japan.

Do you like waffles?

Yes

Anything you're looking forward to?

Starting work actually

Do you have more or less than five best friends? 

Less 

What would you do if the friend you talk to most stopped talking to you?

I don't talk to my friends much, so i don't know

Does the number 23 have any significance to you?

Yes. It the title of a film i'm currently downloading

Be honest, do you like people in general?

Not really

Big or small dogs?

Dogs in general

Do you like Big Macs?

Yes

Did someone bother you today?

Yes

What do you think about death?

It comes naturally to us all. Even though most of us fear it we must accept it as an inevitable end to our mostly pointless existence.

Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?

Sometimes

Does someone love you?

I doubt it

Do you know anyone named Dave? 

A couple of people 

Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with R?

No

Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member on the phone?

Now and again

Have you ever tried Gatorade? 

Never 

Do you think that Starbucks is expensive?

A bit

Are you named after a family member?

No

Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass or fail?

Pass.

Are you taller than 5' 6"?

I think so 

Ever seen a dead body? 

Yes 

Do you like the color blue?

Yes

How are you?

Okay

Who was the last person to send you a text message?

Kuz

Last restaurant you went to?

Whetherspoons. Technically it's a pub but we had food so there

What is the weather like today?

Cloudy but warm 

Last voicemail you received?

i don't get voicemails

What did you do yesterday?

Went for a picnic with my friends 

What's the first thing you would do with five million dollars? 

Get ridiculusly drunk. And learn to spell ridiculusly 

What nationalities are you?

Polish 

How many hours did you sleep last night? 

4 

Any upcoming concerts you want to attend? 

Not so much 

Who's the last person that you felt was stalking you?

No one

Have you ever been on your school's track team?

Oh hell no

What clothes are you wearing?

T-shirt and 3/4 jeans

If all your friends went on a road trip would you go too?

Definitly

How much money do you have, in cash?

52p 

Do you swear at your parents? 

No my mum'd kill me but i'd like to

Is your phone right beside you?

Pocket

Have you cried today?

No

Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?

No.

Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? 

No

What are the color of your bed sheets? 

Brown 

Have you ever crawled through a window?

As long as this will not raise any further questions...yes

Are you photogenic?

Hell no

What's your sign?

Either capricorn or saggitarius i don't remember.

Where do you spend most of your money? 

Random crap i don't really need 

What was the last thing you did? 

Lose on facebook poker 

Do you have any tattoos?

Yes

Do you still watch Saturday morning cartoons?

Sometimes

Is there a secret you've never told any of your friends?

Yes.

Have you ever told someone you loved them but didn't mean it?

Unfortunately yes

Have you ever changed your clothes in a vehicle?

Yes

What are you doing in 2009?

Working

What is your ringtone?

The One Winged Angel

What were you doing at 2 AM, saturday night?

Playing on the Xbox or maybe reading. Either way i was drinking

Are your parents divorced, married, or seperated?

They never married and didn't stay together

What are you doing tonight?

Drinking

What are you doing tomorrow?

Going to my friends then drinking

Who did you last message on MySpace?

Don't use MySpak

Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do?

No

What did you dress up as for your first Halloween?

I can't remeber

What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?

Mike Shinoda (Linkin Park) live in Sheffield

My last day of college today. Woo Hoo. I can't fucking believe it's finally over. Two years of my life that i found shit finally came to an end. Unfortunately i wont be able to see my old friends much any more but at least i wont be bitching and moaning about college any more.

I got my tattoo recoloured today as well so it doesn't look shit anymore. Getting a half sleeve done soon as well which is gonna be awesome.

Anyway,

"Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside"

So what's been happening?

Well for a start i got a job in marketing. It's only door to door sales kinda stuff, and i work on commission but the money is/might be good and the oppotunities are brilliant. If i put in the hardwork i might be running my own business by next year so it's all good. I start 30th june and i can't wait.

a while back i've been debating whether to ask this girl out. everybody said i should so i did ... kinda. i asked if she wanted a cp of coffe at some point she said yeah but when it came to actually making a date she said she was busy. whatever...i'll live. an attitude i would not be able to have a couple of months ago.

my semi-depression has passed. even my friends pointed it out so another positive. \m/. i got the internet as you probably already know and i got an email sorted out. Its shootkillreload@live.co.uk if you wanna add me. i'm also on facebook now as well incase you wanted to know. i'm going to my dad's in france in acouple of weeks after my exams and i'm strangley looking forward to it.

so that's pretty much it. i will be online later and often now that i has tha intanats so i'll see y'all around yeah.

anyway,

"these fuckers are laughing their way to the bank"

Sorry for not blogging much recently. I was on holiday for two weeks and then i didn't have a chance to blog. But i should be sorting an internet connection soon.

I've not got much to say. I bought a Pokemon edition game boy last week and have been playing on pokeman gold pretty much non stop. Yes i am a geek but i don't care. I'm proud of it.

Anyway,

"I push my fingers into my eyes"

I'm off college for the next two weeks. WOOO YAY. and all that jazz. Any longer and i would have completely burned out. College absolutely sucks. I fucking hate it.

I'll try to get on the internet at my friends if i can get the chance. I doubt anything exciteing will happen but i will try to catch up with what other people are doing and saying. I'm also gonna try get broadband sorted over the holidays so i should hopefully be able to blog from home prettty soon.

Hope ya'll have a good couple of weeks if i don't get to talk to you soon. I'll catch up when i can.

Anyway,

"This idiot has turned into a better man"

SO i was meant to finish my media coursework over the weekend but...i didn't. too busy. I needed to kill some Siths and all that jazz. So basically due to me being extremely lazy and unmotivated i left it till monday. that's when the lazyness kicked in again. But i thought...hey i don't do much work during photography so i'll do it then. Baaaaad idea.

I forgot the handouts that told me what i was supposed to write. I forgot the work that i already done and the deadline is in about 4 hours. Fuck. Great word describes my situation perfectly. I'm gonna go see my teacher at break and try and wing a deadline postponement. My one true skill:winging it.

In other news i will take all your advice and ask her out when i get the chance. If it goes wrong i'm blaming God as s/he has no other purpose.

Anyway,

'Everybody in your crew sucks, punk mother fucks'

I'm not sure if i blogged about this before but a while back i was gonna ask this girl in my photography class out. However after deciding to ask her out we were talking as a group about relationships and she said she wasn't really interested in a relationship so i decided not to ask her out.

However yesterday she said that she believes that the guy should always make the first move. This made think whether sh had changed her mind and is now interested in a relationship. SHould i ask her out or not?

Anyone got any advice?

Anyway,

"Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me"

I argued with my mum again last night. I'm so fucking annoyed with her. Suddenly out of the blue she set all these fucking rules on me. Can only go out twice week. No 18 rated DVDs or games. No alcohol in the house.

Fucking bitch.

Tried to talk to her about it yesterday but it just ended if another fucking argument. As far as I'm concerned she's being fucking unreasonable. And then she began complaining about my fucking friends saying that their not real friends and that they are bad associations. Well fuck you you cunt.

Other than that i really wanna a girlfriend but there is noone i feel comfortable about asking out. I'm too fucking shy and unconfident. Fucking prick. I've also been hating myself recently. I hate the way i fucking look, how i fucking talk and how i fucking act. I need a fucking drink.

Anyway,

'I have every right to hate you'

Nothing's been happening lately so i haven't been blogging much. However yesterday my mum really pissed me off. For those of you who don't know my mum Is a jehova's witness and i used to be one until i quit. Because of that there is still a bit of animosity about it. Yesterday my mum told me that my 'bad assosiations' with my friends are making me a bad person and so i can only see them twice a week. what she dosen't seem to understand is that it is me who is the bad association. she also made me get rid of all my 18 rated films and game. Her reason was "They allow demons into the house and cause me to have nightmares". Note the quote marks, i'm convinced she has gone insane. That's what religion does to you. Another thing she said i need to be in bed by 11pm every night apart from weekends when i could be in bed by 1. No chance woman.

In other news we had a small earthquake on wedensday morning at about half past midnight. i was up anyway it was quite cool

Anyway,

"When the rich wage war, it's the poor that die"

I got absolutely mashed on tuesday. I filled an entire bottle oc coke (About 500ml i think) with whiskey. i drank half of it before coming to college and the second half during my first lesson. at lunch i bought another bottle of whiskey and drank it. in my afternoon lesson i ended up throwing up and everyone at college seems to know by now.

i'm beginning to think that my alcohol consumption is becoming a problem however until it results in injury/death i will continue to drink. which reminds me i'm going to my best friend's tommorow to get drunk.

anyway,

"I was saving that bacon"

this year my very first thought on January the 1st was:

       It does not matter what i accomplish in life because no matter what i do in the end i will die and nobody will care.

this progressed to:

       if i were to die right now the world would not be affected in anyway

which recently became:

       my entire existence is pointless and does not affect everyday life in anyway

hope i didn't depress you

anyway,

"Bottom line, doing what we have to do to get some food in the fridge and stay out of the hospital"

So over christmas I went to see my dad in london. i was actually dreading it because i hadn't seen him in such a long time. i went on sunday before christmas and came back friday. i was pleasantly surprised at how it went.

we just sat around talking and watching tv and a couple of films. he bought me a new laptop and gave me some cash for by birthday. it all felt strangly natural. whilst there i rang my family back in poland and talked to my uncle, auntie and grandma. i've not spoken to them for about 8 years so it was a bit weird talking with them again. i also said i would ring them now and again which was highly annoying as i hate using phones. my dad also gave me the number to my half-brother and cousing who also live in england so i have to ring them at some point. grr

last weekend I went to see a different cousin in birmingham. my dad went as well so we met up at the coach station and then my cousin and her boyfriend picked us up. i went sunday morning and came back sunday evening but in the first ten minutes of talking with her i wished i got a ticket back the next day. but i will definetly keep in touch with her and go to see her again soon.

other than that i am completely skint and need money bad. i have decided to ask a girl in my photography class out but not had the chance to do it yet as there have been too many people around and i have no money. i had an exam today which i probably failed but that was my own fault because of no revision. my new years resolution is to make it to next year without dying.

anyway,

"Going out of my fucking mind"